Tree of life

Sometimes you can spend so long looking for yourself that you forget that you were right there all along. 

I had a rather nice thought earlier about the groove I currently find myself in, and it was that I feel something like the younger version of myself before I started marrying people and having children, but with the added bonus of being in possession of the life experience which comes with having failed marriages and three children.

There are changes which come with marriage and/or being a parent whereby you transition from being “Me” to “Husband” and/or “Dadman” and those roles come with responsibilities and lots of grown-up stuff, which should be taken seriously and therefore the more playful parts of “Me” need to be suppressed. At least that’s what I have always believed, but look where that has got me!

I think the combination of the time I have away from my children and giving myself the space to heal has finally allowed some of the original parts of “Me” to resurface a little. Rather than agonising over every little decision, my impulsiveness has returned. I am slowly but surely starting to give less of a crap about what other people think of me (that’s a big deal for an anxiety sufferer, we live for the approval of EVERYONE) and most crucially of all, I’m learning to say ‘yes’ to more things and having more fun as a result. The intention is to nurture these green shoots of new/re growth and accept that whilst they’ll get blown back every now and then, it’s import to ensure that they don’t get buried again. 

Momma didn’t raise no fool (maybe a little bit of one), so Happy Mother’s Day to her and all the others out there!

In other news, the wallpaper stripping is finally complete, we had a first “proper” rehearsal today where we started blocking out some scenes (still making Willy jokes) and I took a walk through the graveyard (not in a depressing way), where I snapped this lady walking with flowers and water for the grave she was visiting. I carried on up and over the castle (see extra), back along the river and devoured a battered sausage and chips as in my ears, Tom Waits growled on about his Ol’ 55. 

It’s been a rather marvellous weekend, I feel fortunate and content to have the place in the world that I do.


Blippers: My apologies for the crapness in keeping up with your journals, I have been so busy lately (it’s all good) in the real world, but letting things slip here!