Inverarity.....

It's a little known fact that Torquhil, the Duke of Argyll and I are pals.

We met at the Loch Fyne Oyster Bar, many years ago, when he was queuing for a bag of scallops and chips, and I told him he was a pleb for putting tomato sauce on them.

In spite of having an incomprehensibly posh accent, he tries his best to fit in with locals.....every Friday night he sits outside the Bog & Budgie pub in Inverary, double Pimms in one hand, Woodbine in the other, complaining about the price of private planes, Aston Martins, caviar etc. We can all sympathise.

Anyway, he's invited me to castle sit for a week, whilst he's off selling the Isle of Tiree (and its residents) to David Beckham, so if any of you fancy coming over to help with the weeding, I'd be obliged....