You are not here

This morning I spotted Hilda sitting on a dandelion in the morning sun and reading a book. 
"Good Morning, Hilda. What are you reading?" I asked her.
" Oh, it is a book about the loss of loved ones". I bursted into tears. She was sitting just on Omos favourite place, where I made his last portrait in the morning sun and where he died three weeks ago.
"You know, we miss Omo very much, too. Why don't you write your thoughts down in a poem. Than a part of your grief will fly away like a parachute of a dandelion." 
"Good idea, I'll try, but...."
"Don't worry about the words or rhymes, they don't matter!"

So I was struggling all day long to find the words.
Now it is 3  4am (caused by emergency Birthday duties for Renfrebar) and the words are not ready at all. I write them nevertheless:

You are not here

Three weeks already, that you had to go
Oh my Sweetheart, I miss you so.
I feel you everywhere
- but you are not there.

In the night I awake, thinking you need help to stand up,
but you are not there, there is only a gap.
When I walk in the garden I say "Let's go!
But you are not there, I miss you so
Your place is empty, no one watches what I do,
you were my white shadow, that is very true.
When I hear a barking outside, I think you ask to get inside to me,
but it's Tico, the neighbour, it's not you, it is he.
When I'm shopping, I think by my side, 
"Don't forget the spreadable sausage, but there are no more pills to hide."

When I put your things away, my heart broke more with every toy,
now the house looks so empty, there is no joy.
But I'm looking through old photos, what lovely memories.
You was such a cute little ice bear, when you arrived in our hearts.
Your first time at a beach, with your loved family, 
digging holes in the sand, play in the waves and run free.
You drank salty water, you stupid dog got sick, 
then you puked all night, but you learned the lesson quick.

When I'm upset or sad, I long for your furry ears.
You calmed me down again with your gentil "Okay, crawl my tummy!"
and your smiling cheers.
You helped me through dark times, we strolled through the fields.
We danced and we had fun, no need to walk at the heels.
You were used to my insanity, to my crazy ideas,
You made everything for me, without any fears.
You trusted me fully, never thought I would do you a harm,
but I called the vet and you died in my arm.
That feels like the most vile betrayal I did on you,
I'm so sorry my Sweetheart, I wish I could make it undo.
I thank, you for 13 incredible years,
I miss you, my darling, my eyes are full tears.
You are not here, but you live in my heart from now on.
My invisible shadow, it's so hard that you are gone.