In a Stromness Close

Nora:  I see Ernie has been at it again.
 
Enid: Whit noo ?
 
Nora: He wis up at the playpark lamp posts again.
 
Enid:  Who – Rover ?
 
Nora:  No, Ernie from No 42.  He takes Rover as a decoy and sniffs the posts himsel’
 
Enid: Nae winder, it’s in the family.  His brother wis at the pierhead agin last night doing his one-man double act.
 
Nora: Has he got anither tour arranged ?
 
Enid:  No, he’s been carted off.
 
Nora: Did you see whit Big Aggie had hinging on her line in the washing green last Tuesday ?
 
Enid:  No
 
Nora: Neither did I.
 
Enid: I wis in the bookshop a week past, I’d popped in for a Drabble, and a wife came in and asked the assistant if they had any Dorothy L Sayers or an Agatha Christie.  Of course, you can’t get anything past me.  I kent immediately she wis a mystery shopper.
 
Nora:  Mrs P’s Magnus has lost it this time.  Talk about the Quack – I think they should take him to the vet.  Apparently, he’s constantly eating cat munchies.  He’s obsessed with them.  However, things will maybe calm doon noo as I heard he fell off the mantelpiece trying to lick his backside.
 
Enid:  I see the Times Literary Supplement has a new A S Byatt interview.
 
Nora: And ?
 
Enid: A pull out supplement on Stephen Poliakoff.
 
Nora: No wonder Phyllida is still snubbing you.  But whit Can you expect with a name like yon ?  Snooty bitch.
 
Enid:  I ken fine the only literature you see is in the cludgie.
 
Nora:  Why – you jezebel.  Come here, I’ll smack you with my handbag.
 
Enid: Yes, and I’ll insert this walking pole where the sun don’t shine.
 
Nora:  You keep away from my man.
 
The rest of the conversation went unrecorded as flashing blue lights and a siren drew a crowd.