Post angio truss

Its understandable that at near three score years of age the making of another hole in the pelvic area which is prone to incontinent leaking would be an awful inconvenience.

Tena Men Premium Fit Level 4 Pants (6 on the absorbency scale!) thankfully manage the spits and spurts from the natural orifices in that area of anatomy and life.

However, what to do when a ruddy great hollowed out knitting needle is rammed unnaturally into the right common femoral artery, wriggled around a bit, then withdrawn to leave a gaping great hole?
The answer: the “Premoclose Closure Device – just contact us …!”

In order to function correctly the “device” must capture and contain in place a wad of dressing the size and plasticity of Sonny Liston’s fist, over said gaping great hole. This along with the Spanish windlass binding effect around the hips, under the perineum et al, creates an environment fit to spawn particularly menacing and prize winning gurns.

Care and tactical jiggling whilst the device and “Sonny’s fist” are wrestled into place is required, as three people are involved in the task, plus onlookers if new medical students are rotating.
If certain bits of the male anatomy get caught up in the scrummage, there’s very little chance of retrieving the situation, or bits of anatomy, until the prerequisite release time of around 12 groin numbing hours later.

The gait of a Lon Chaney character, a leering grimace and a bulge in the crotch the size of a well known WWII tank battle don’t go down too well in conservative Bavarian summertime supermarkets.
Berlin circa 1922 p’raps, but not Munich 2022.

What’s more, you can’t keep the sweat, antiseptic and slough stained device as a souvenir of man’s inhumanity to you the afflicted. Oh no, it has to be returned, and not by latex gloved hand or by clinical waste bag deposition, but by pre-paid, publicly couriered envelope. I disposed of “Sonny’s fist” as it wouldn’t fit in the envelope.

Unless you are a cryptic crossword buff and can find something out of nothing … todays image has absolutely nothing to do with the “Premoclose Closure Device” and is an image taken in the cool walk of this morning with our little Dementia-Doggy.