230 park place

when i was 17 i came to my old house. and i remember sitting on the front porch for hours crying. i was a teenager and, to be fair, overly emotional, but i think this moment was significant. i think i saw myself clearly that night. my childhood home contains all that is good and pure and innocent in my mind. and i think in light of that contrast, i saw my sin clearly. i saw my selfishness and my emptiness, the futility of the life i was leading. to feel the two in tension so potently cause me to break down.

i returned today to this old house. i didnt have nearly the same experience. i was certainly charged with emotion. but i was more intrigued by the fact that i was an adult. i had come from work. i was wearing my business clothes. and it just made me pause and consider all that had occurred in my life to form me into the adult i am now. all the experiences, all the people, all the mistakes and love and grace. i am constantly surprised i turned out the way i did. i dont know how to explain it. but there are so many people who played such significant roles in my life. i am greatly indebted to them. i dont know. i just feel overwhelmingly grateful for always being surrounded by amazing people. always. i have always had brilliant friends and mentors. i am so blessed. so incredibly blessed.

230 park place is the happiest place in the world to me. i would buy that house if i could.