Release

"Stress-related mental illness is often a career-ending event."
(Reign of Terror John Illingworth, 2010)

Mail.
That's that, then.
It was expected but it still hurt. A lot more than I expected, actually.

I normally wouldn't keep a record of such a thing, especially when it makes me feel so bad about myself. Just take it on the chin and move on. But I decided to partly as a symbol of the times in which we live. Where so many taboos have been broken down and yet outdated attitudes to, and ignorance about, the reality of mental health issues still prevail.

Particularly shocking in such a profession as teaching where we are encouraged to do everything we can to support the mental wellbeing of our pupils, and yet that of teachers is left wanting, with no adequate support available.

In my case, it was severe depression and an eventual nervous breakdown caused by inappropriate management and outright bullying over a three-year period, where my competence was questioned and my performance pulled apart on a daily basis.

Genuinely the worst time in my life, and yet I'm thankful for it. I've learned so much - about procedures, systems, people and, most significantly, about myself. Every day with joy and laughter is a triumph of spirit over circumstance. I am poorer than I have ever been financially, yet I am richer in so many ways.

So this letter, while it hurts, will be displayed. I will look at it every day until it doesn't hurt anymore. Then I'll burn it. Because that person doesn't exist anymore. I'm someone else now. I will not be defined by a piece of paper.

For what it's worth, I was a good teacher. I know this because I still have pupils who say that to me, even though they're 19 and adults themselves.
Being a great teacher in a child's eyes isn't the same as the GTC define it to be - it isn't about targets and paperwork, it's about them, the children. It's about listening to them, nurturing them, feeding their creativity, allowing a child to be themselves and them knowing that it's okay to make mistakes. It's about acceptance and unconditional love.

So, if you ask me, I think I was a bloody great teacher.