The no's have it

Bean and I were in the study all morning enjoying the super-heated atmosphere. She slept contentedly most of the time. 

My mind was elsewhere...

When this happened last week I was ecstatic, and I have been in planning-mode off and on ever since.

Can you sense an impending "but..."?

Yesterday I had a conversation with one of the nearest and dearest who made the offer: to discuss details of the loan. 

I was astonished about the level of scrutiny I came under. Exactly how much is the bare cabin going to cost? What about the quotes from the electrician and the plumber? What kind of foundations are needed and who will undertake that work? Exactly where is the shower cubicle going to be located? 

I was expected to provide answers there and then, before I have the finances in place.

It was an exam I had no idea I had to sit, let alone pass.

This was followed by a request that the loan be covered by a legal agreement (of course) and that my property be given as surety against it. And there has to be a guarantee that I can't skip the country and default on the loan. Really?

This was capped by "I think 4% interest on the loan is appropriate. That's what I would expect from a term deposit." So much for interest-free. 

At this point I must explain that the other half of the nearest and dearest is overseas on family business for a while, so that side of the discussion wasn't available. I have a feeling it would have been different with the extra person there, although not necessarily fundamentally so. 

I left the conversation reeling all over again, for completely different reasons this time. Many hours of thought later (much of which was in bed in the wee small hours) I suddenly realised that whilst various specifics of the conversation had unsettled and annoyed me, the nub of the matter is that I don't want to be in debt to anybody for any reason at all. 

After an adult lifetime of debt until 2015, it has been completely liberating to be free of it for the last seven years. To owe nothing to anybody gives me enormous peace of mind. I may be as financially poor as the proverbial church-mouse, but emotionally I am wealthier than ever before. I sleep well at night (normally). I hold my head up high. And I do things here on the property on my own terms. 

This morning I emailed the nearest and dearest explaining that I've changed my mind, whilst still thanking them sincerely for the generosity of their gesture.

The proto-design drawings, the lists and spreadsheets have all been stored away, ready to be rediscovered in four years' time when I near the moment when my own money becomes available, with no strings attached.

Job done. Normal service is restored and I'm smiling inside again.

Of course Bean helped. She had a couple of impromptu cuddles in the middle of the night. She didn't complain, although she did sigh a bit...