Banishing the blues

People run for different reasons.

Some people want to win, some people want to be the best, some want to lose weight, some just want to be fit. I run because it helps keep me sane. Call it endorphins, serotonin, switching off or simple thinking space. Running helps my mental health. So what do you do when the thing that keeps you happy, makes you feel blue?

About 5 years ago, I didn't much like myself. There were a lot of things I wanted to change. About that time I discovered running. I signed up for a 5k. I wasn't a runner, in fact I hated running. I couldn't do it, I couldn't even run 1km without feeling like i was dying. But I was also too cheap to join a gym. Somehow I persevered. A year later I did my first 10k.

It was only after my first marathon that I realised how much I loved it. I don't know when it happened, but I fell in love with running. It changed me. Now after 3 marathons, I realise that I like who I am and I'm proud of my accomplishments - running and otherwise. I'm now the sort of person inside that I want to be, that I'm proud to be. I know that it's my commitment and dedication to running that's changed that. It's hard to explain.

I'm now a better runner too. Joining a running club has taught me a lot and pushed me to improve. However, you may remember my blip of last Wednesday. My experience that night left me feeling demoralised and low. So much so that I was on the verge of tears when I got home. That's not why I run.

I told myself that it was post-marathon blues and that I wouldn't go running again until I actually wanted to. Today, 4 days later, I wanted to. I went out for a nice 7 miles. There was no reason to run, there was no pressure, there was no competition. And I had fun. I enjoyed it.

One of the reasons I run alone, is for the space it gives me. Another, I've realised, is because I don't want to compete with anyone. This is probably why i'd much rather run a marathon with 380 people than 38,000. On Wednesday, I started to measure myself against other people - and it took away the reason that I run. I won't make that mistake again.

Apologies for the long post (well done for making it this far!). I've just been for a run and it's cleared my head. Another reason I run is because it gives me clarity.

Exercise: 7 mile run
April running mileage: 76 miles
2013 running mileage: 401 miles