What a shot!

This would be Noah's father, Ted. We've been talking about going golfing for a while, made plans for this morning. It was such a beautiful morning - weather was perfect. I havent really hit a ball in a long time, figured I would get some practice in at the driving range. I did OK...wrist started to hurt after a while, need to ease into it a bit. I'll definitely be hitting up the driving range this week...get used to playing again...then we'll go play real golf! Also had a great lunch...it was nice. Ted works out of town and everyone hardly ever gets to see him, except on weekends.

Not much to say today. I'm just kind of in my own little world. It's been two months since Kenny passed away. I lost an ex 9 years ago, I know it never goes away, but the pain does eventually stop, slowly. I've lost so many people during my 30 years. Never gets easier. Two months. I miss Kenny so much. I miss his funny text messages, random calls that had absolutely nothing to do with anything! I would give anything to even hear him making fun of how short I am!

Josh has shut down completely. Hes not taking calls from anyone - which is OK, we all need to be alone sometimes. He at least let me know he needs to be by himself. I completely understand. He knows Im there when he surfaces and that people care about him. Talked to DJ as well - he is having a rough day...told me how every little thing that happens during the day - he wants to pick up the phone and call Kenny. Those three guys were like brothers - Kenny, DJ, and Josh.

I'm doing OK. I've been here many many times before and I've accepted whats happened. I'm so worried about the guys...I don't think any of them have accepted it. I know Josh hasnt because he said it himself...that hes scared for that moment, when it will hit him. There is definitely a huge hole left in our lives. Kenny is so missed. I hope he knew how much everyone loved and cared for him. He does now. I'm sure hes got a big smile across his face! How I miss that smile.

But life goes on. This morning was fun - it got my mind off of things...need to get out of the house and do something, anything...

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A year ago...one of my favorite butterfly shots...tender touch...