Rainy day

The day started stressful. Couldn't get Djeili out of the house for a walk, as she was too scared. I tried to drag her along, but no way. 

The lunchtime walk wasn't better. Drove with her in the car to get away from the shooting sounds in the vineyard, but only had 50 minutes, so couldn't drive far enough. She pooped madly as she wasn't able to in the morning, and there was a hole in the poop bag. so I got the shit all over me. No happy times.  

Finished off work for 2.5 weeks now. Much needed time off. 

My always cheerful colleagues asked me: Where will you be going? And I replied: To bed to sleep. Not much understanding. 
Next question: But what else will you be doing? Trying to be less nervous and to start thinking a bit more straight again. 
Do you think being honest is alright? 

I will try to go hiking in the next two weeks and to enjoy my time away, but I surely need time to relax. 

In the morning, I was feeling like I would maybe be better off without the constant trouble with Djeili, and in the evening I was thinking about Djeili dying, and I was feeling soooo miserable and depressed about it, you wouldn't believe it. I am a wreck.  

I am just upset at the way the world is.