Break.

Me and Bex have gone on a break. I asked for one because I can't cope emotionally with her behaviour at this present time and it was the only option.

I've been really ill recently, I have bronchitis again, which is what I had in October last year with my ex girlfriend Bethan. Before she got ill with it too, she looked after me a great deal, and I was talking to Charli about her last night. I suppose it got me to thinking, and when I went to bed I curled up and remembered when we stayed at my friend's house and we all watched chicago, and I was curled up with Bethan, coughing and wheezing in pain but just happy to be near her, she held onto me with worry and hugged me and I felt okay despite the miserable pain I was in.

So yes, last night I was thinking about it, and when I shut my eyes I could almost feel myself curled up against her holding her skinny waist and resting my head on her comfy boobs, and it made me cry because I could almost feel the cotton of the shirt she wore against my face and my arm wrapped tightly around her, my eyes soon burst open full of tears and I curled up against my blanket and sobbed for the loss of the love that I used to give and have.

I'm never going to love another person, I said this to Charli last night, I can just feel it in the core of me, that I will never love anyone like I loved her, and that she took all of it in one, Its sad to think, but it can't be any other way, i'm just to be alone, it would seem. Sadder still is that I've had two girls love me since, but my gut tells me to run, and to curl up with my cat and think about what love used to be to me, and it always ends up the same, in tears, watching Karl Pilkington, trying desperately to forget how alive I used to feel.

~

I can pretend that i'm not lonely.
But i'll be constantly fooling myself,
I can pretend that it don't matter
But I'll be sitting here lying to myself
We all want someone there to hold
We just want somebody
We all wanna be somebody's one and only
We all wanna be warm when it's cold
No one wants to be left scared and lonely