Morning Light

As I walked Dog this morning.
I’m finding it harder to get going in the mornings lately, when it’s dark, but managed it in time today to get as far as the beach. The tide was completely out and anyone wanting to could have walked out and touch the Mulberry Harbour.

An average day at work but followed by a counselling session this evening. The first in about six weeks. She is good at what she does, and I always end up with lots of tears and a snotty nose! I think because she gets it, when I don’t! I struggle to even know what I’m feeling, and the tiredness the last few weeks doesn’t help! Sometimes the last few weeks of B’s life, and the whole awfulness and unfairness clouds any nice memories, and looking back I realise that he was very sick since Christmas, and we just didn’t didn’t know it. Should I have pushed the doctors more? Been more sympathetic! Demanded the doctors talked to each other? I don’t know, and she says the outcome would have been the same, so stop torturing myself with what ifs, and should i’s and know that I cared well at the end and that he gave me the gift to do that! Hmmmmm, Easier said than done on some days.