Leaves

You can’t beat a bit of ICM, kicking through the leaves across the field after work.
Second day of the new course and quite a lot to take in.

The old landlord has finally got back in touch. Not wishing to jump the gun, I think there may be a glimmer of an end on the horizon. I hope so, I’m exhausted with it all. He’s wanting to reassert control, seeking assurances, but I think it’s as much to do with saving face now. We shall see. I had decided when I took this battle on that I would give the deposit money to Shelter, if it is forthcoming. I found it hard to fight for it for me not having the energy for the futility of it all, and the taintedness.

Nothing Left to Say - Clive James

The breakers from the sea that kept me sane
Were clean and lucid all along the line
Like shavings tumbled upward from the plane
That leave with ease the surface of the pine
When the carpenter is planing with the grain
It’s nothing
Nothing but a dream of mine

And I have come to nothing in a way
That leaves me with nothing left to say

Half a lifetime bending with the breeze
To buy the stuff I don’t know how to use
A deck of credit cards, a bunch of keys
A station I achieved but didn’t choose
The screws are on and no one beats the squeeze
It’s nothing
Nothing I can’t bear to lose

And I have come to nothing in a way
That leaves me with nothing left to say

The sea I dreamed of closes like a vice
Parading waves are frozen into place
Their veils of vapour scattering like rice
And far below, the ultimate disgrace
A mermaid crushed to death inside the ice
It’s nothing
Nothing but a frightened face

​And I have come to nothing in a way
That leaves me with nothing left to say