New reality day 847

Thank you all for the kind wishes yesterday.

I did not sleep much last night. I was not feeling good. I think I had what they would call a nervous breakdown. I felt paralyzed with fear. With the thoughts of what I have to do (today). I felt the blood pressure banging on y forehead and I felt a weight on my chest creating a physical pain. I did momentarily think about going to the emergency room, but then I thought that I will manage til morning.

I talked to a doctor this morning and got some pills to help sleep tonight.

Also told my superior that I will be on sick leave for a while longer and that I will not sign the new salary. So now I wait what's their next move.

I've been doing light chores today. Like made gingerbread cookies and decorated them. It's okay as long as I just keep myself busy, but as soon as I stop the feelings of anxiety crawl back on. Not as heavily as before, because the hardest part is now done. Now I'll just gather my strengths and try to find another job.