pupper

I open the curtains, and the first thing he does is climb the sofa and check who's walking down the road beneath us. :)

Another gentle reminder that I made it. Another soft, gentle touch on my cheek, a caress, the warmth of a palm covering my chin that whispers, you've come so far. You can go even further.


Today I had a challenging phone call with someone I love very much. We agreed to take a step back and look at what we could've done better, and it was nerve wrecking. But we're going to get through it, because I have faith in us, and I need her to have faith in us too. 

This summer, when I was in the US, I cracked open a fortune cookie. I still carry the paper on the back of my phone, snug between the device and the case. 

Fear knocked the door. Faith answered. Nobody was there.


I haven't (ever) been religious. But I have a lot of faith... and I'm beginning to think that they are not always intertwined. I have faith in love. I have faith in absolution, compassion, and communication. I have faith in my own humanity. I can't say I'm enough of an optimist to say I have faith in humanity, but I'm trying to get there.

I'm trying to have faith in my future too. In myself. In what I can become. It's a challenging road, and yesterday during my therapy session I noticed that I don't really have much hope in becoming what I used to be, or what I want to be, or what I eventually will be. I think I've been going with the flow and surrendering to the inevitable for a while now. And... and I think I've finally realized that this is not what self-fulfillment looks like for me. 

My therapist, Bora, said "you're not far from that point at all!" to which I replied with "you really think so?". He said "yes... do you have a doubt?" and I laughed. "I don't even have hope for it."

Maybe I should. 

Change is another inevitable, right? Maybe I should surrender to this one.