The Weighting Game.....

'Missus, missus! I say, you there with the fake stethoscope round your neck! Are you the one who's almost a doctor?'

'Well I don't like to boast.....but I've successfully treated many a case of athlete's foot. Why? Do you need some sort of expert opinion?'

'Yes. But until I find an expert, you'll have to do. It's about my weight - I need advice.'

'Advice? You don't need advice, you need a vice - preferably one that'll keep your jaws firmly shut.'

'Eh? It's no wonder you've failed your finals 32 years in a row, if that's your medical opinion. I need to put weight on, not take it off!'

'You must be joking. You're like a furry football! How many meals do you eat a day?'

'Only eight.'

'Eight? Eight?? Eight???'

'I know - isn't it terrible. I should be eating nine! Mum'll go mad if she finds out I'm skipping one!'

'Your mother wants you to eat nine meals a day? Why?'

'I thought doctors were supposed to be intelligent? Three squared meals a day she told me. Three. Squared. And as any idiot knows, three squared..... is nine. I may only be a squirrel, but I'm very good at multiplying.'

'Mmmm, I can see that.......outwards!'