Anger

Not an emotion I find particularly useful.  A safety valve but not, for me at least, something that helps resolve problems.  Today I was angry.  More angry than I've ever been.   Calmer now but the issue that sparked it remains unresolved.

A phone call with Jamie and the hospital doctor this morning.  "Jamie is being discharged.  He doesn't need to be here."   Then, having met Jamie for the first time this morning, he went on to make several statements that showed no real understanding of the depth of the problem.  I tried calm reasoning but was first talked down and quickly hung up on.   The failure to listen, lack of understanding, lack of compassion and the gross oversimplification of the problems were .... bad ... insert your own choice of alternative words.   Being hung up on, that made me really angry.

Thankfully, everyone else in the unit, nursing staff, HCA's are all being compassionate and kind.  Jamie is ok for now.   No-one there can over-rule the consultant's decision but their duty to ensure a safe discharge ensures he stays put for now.  There might be a move to a hospital in our catchment, maybe another Dr there would assess differently.   If not it's social Services job to find a way to keep him safe unless I commit to 24/7 care on my own.   With Ruth and my own health to consider, I can't do that.   So we're in a kind of limbo for now.  Quiet but uncomfortable.

So, not the relaxing recovery day I had hoped for.   Meg got a ball chasing run - while I talked with hospital nurse and his local community nurse.   Jamie's social worker has agreed we can advertise for a new support worker with a bigger contract but that does not solve the here and now problem.  We wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Meanwhile.  At home the crocuses are springing up in the cold frame.  It's hard to cherish these moments with the storm clouds about but I try.  Crocus pseudonubigena, raised from seed sown in 2018 back in Norfolk.