The Odd Squad

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

I can't really complain about today. I was in the office and was not stressed. This job does not stretch or vex me and the pay is good. I can't really complain but oh yes I can. 

Kiwibank may simply be the most Kafka-esque site of rules and processes and peculiar ways of doing things I have ever encountered. To the point where I'm left wondering how does sh*t ever get done in this place?

I was asked to look at a thing. I mentioned this to someone in a meeting who said, "But that has already been done!" 

Really? said I. Because I've been looking at it since before Christmas and have written a document full of question marks because it so clearly has NOT been done. 

She assured me it had.

I had a meeting with a couple of BA's after this. I explained what I've been asked to do and said look here's my approach and does this make sense and also why do people keep telling me it's already been done.

"Well because that's for the Proposition Squad," it was explained. 

What now?

It turns out that BA's can either work for a "Prop Squad" or a "Delivery Squad". 

"Or both," someone said helpfully.

If you are a BA on a Prop Squad and a business person says we need a thing to do a thing, then your job is to write a page on a wiki that says, "We need a thing that does a thing". 

Job done. Nice work BA! Phew! Take a break! That was HARD WORK.

However, if you are a BA on a Delivery Squad you MIGHT be allowed to actually figure out how the thing actually DOES the thing. Or you might not. 

"We're still not sure about that bit," admitted a BA who has been working here for A YEAR.

Okaaaayyyyyyyy...

That was probably the comedy aspect of this meeting that amused me the most. The BA's I was speaking to have been working on this stuff for a while. Or rather NOT working on this stuff. Because they are not sure what they are allowed to do. Where the line between a Prop BA ends and a Delivery BA starts or how you know which you are and what a Delivery BA is actually allowed to do... or... or... well... ANYTHING.

There are a strict set of rules, it seems. Which no-one understands but which get quoted to me regularly by people who then can't explain them but they assure me it's "Agile" and an effective way or working. 

"Mind you..." said one of them, "now that I say it out loud it DOES sound kind of weird."

"We're still working them through," another added, apologetically. 

"Maybe we could just DO stuff," I suggested. "And then tell people AFTER what we've done."

I'm such a rebel. The other BA's were unsure.

"We should have a meeting," they suggested. I didn't point out to them that we were in a meeting RIGHT NOW. It seemed unnecessarily cruel. 

So where does this leave me? I mean. Like I said, it's not stressful or vexatious. But I guess woman who told me that I was already finished is correct. The business says they need a thing to do a thing, and I agreed. It's written down. Job's a good 'un.

Am I now allowed to go on and work out HOW it will do the thing? Apparently we will be holding the meeting the week after next* to decide if I'm allowed. 

I'm not sure what I'm doing for that next week and a half mind you. Writing comedy blips about bonkers processes perhaps.

S.

* Kiwibank also holds more meetings than anywhere I have ever encountered. A surprising amount of them are about deciding that we need meetings to address the issues we encountered in the current meeting. 

In the days of Gromit, if we encountered an issue and the meeting participants couldn't resolve it she would CALL SOMEONE ON THE EFFING PHONE RIGHT THERE AND THEN to resolve it. 

God, I miss her.