Chilly Tuesday

My foot hasn’t been sore today which is a big positive. I slept well last night but I was shattered from the lack of quality sleep over the past three months. Getting it into a trainer is another matter altogether - I haven’t been out today but when I do go out, it’s hell getting my foot in and out.

The dressing I happily put on myself last night has stayed on well. I have been feeling very fibro sore today and pretty pissed off to be honest.

My chronic pain specialist physio rang me yesterday at 11am after I left a message with her secretary. I didn’t request a callback. The secretary offered and I readily accepted.

She rang me back, not long after I got off the phone from my GP. Yesterday, would have been six weeks since my initial appointment with her. I waited months to get that and specifically requested a face to face appointment. After Covid, I am fed up of phones, texts, video calls and dehumanising experiences with people in general but particularly with medical professionals.

I am not the biggest tech lover - it doesn’t excite me. I like a simple life with simple pleasures. I have now permanently deleted my Facebook for the final time. I have found it so toxic and am much happier sticking with Blip.

I appreciate that technology has its uses and advantages but it just leaves me cold most of the time. Of course, the internet is useful, especially when you are disabled. I only got the internet last January after living in my own since July 2013.

People used to ask at work - what do you do of an evening? I said, I talk to my friends on the phone, I meet up with them, I read a lot, I sing, I wrote poetry, I apply for jobs, I watch political and nature documentaries, thrillers and some soaps. They couldn’t comprehend a world without the internet.

Anyway, I digress. The physio said she will see me in five weeks time. That is the 20th of February. On the 5th of December, she told me I needed a treatment plan of a year’s physiotherapy, with a session every six weeks. She is using my foot burn as an excuse to shove me down the waiting list. I have waited. And waited. 

I waited from June 2022 to get an online group appointment in August 2022 where twelve patients (myself included) had to endure an hour long PowerPoint session on “What is Pain?” It was  utterly patronising. I was tempted to log off and virtually leave. Two other patients did - one man said, “This is a lot of insulting crap!” But I thought, if I don’t endure this, I won’t get to see any of the Pain Clinic specialists. I am on a waiting list for a pain consultant doctor - I had to ask for this referral from the physio via email. Of course, she was on Annual Leave.

Yesterday, I explained my difficulties and pain with getting my trainer on. Her reply? Buy a pair of Crocs. They’re about £30. I told her, I can’t afford to buy them and it’s January. It’s been raining endlessly recently and now it is about minus 4. The nurse told me to stick to thinner socks. I asked her about a better (waterproof) cover for my foot in the shower - I looked them up on Amazon, they’re £15. I will likely end up buying one even though money is tighter than tight.

She then told me that since she had phoned me, she would class that as a consultation - in other words, a good excuse to leave me waiting until the end of February for an actual physio session. She was working from home yesterday due to the icy conditions. 

I need to take short walks and do everything myself as I love alone. The physio told me walk 20 minutes per day minimum (pre foot burn). But she won’t support me with a simple piece of equipment. I always am always left feeling worthless and hopeless.

Where the hell do they recruit these people and what planet do they live on? Oh yeah, they can afford what they need because they are overpaid, uncaring, halfhearted employees.

Post-Covid, they have worked remotely and now their main aim seems to be to do as little as possible to be paid as much as possible. Nice work if you can get it! 

She has completely drained me of the slim hope I was trying to rebuild. I have cancelled my nurse appointment tomorrow for the various things needing done, including the foot dressing. I will do it myself and reschedule. I’m not in the mood for it. I hate fibromyalgia and all it has done to me. Sorry to all the NHS staff who do actually care and do their job professionally but unfortunately I rarely encounter you. I will be raising a complaint about it. I’m even considering not going back to the physio when I get the February appointment.

I had Egg Mornay for dinner this evening (main Blip), the extra is another foot pic (sorry!) showing my foot dressing skills - I have done a pretty good job of it and I am thankful as I am much happier doing things myself.

Thanks for all your comments, stars, hearts :) xx