The thought for the Ottawacker is not great

I mean, just look at it. How the hell is anyone supposed to rest their weary bones on a bench in Ottawa? Snow furrows on all the streets, pavements/sidewalks impassable, bike lanes left uncleared... and benches left covered with snow - specifically so anyone daring to sit down will come away with haemorrhoids. Well, that is my theory. 

(I know German studies have disproved the link between cold surfaces and piles, bloody killjoys, but I resolutely refuse to believe their findings. My Great Aunt Madge was a firm believer in the health-giving properties of the Finnish sauna, and would sit naked in whatever snowpiles she could find. She had the worst case of piles recorded in western literature. Did the German researchers take that into account? No they didn't.)