cross words

Took a train journey for the first time in a good few years......up to Sutherland. Train journeys are always a treat; and thouroughly enjoyed it.
Only marred a little by the carriage drunk.
Which reminded me of my last journey several years ago,from London to Glasgow.
The carriage had a scattering of people ,unlike todays sardine cans,and all was quite civilised until we stopped at Preston.
Whereupon, alighted a young man who had certainly been on the bevvy!
Im ashamed to say ,he was clearly from Glasgow!
Sitting down at the end of the carriage he began to loudly and belligerantly harrangue the World in general and especially our reigning monarch!
Now, I'm no royalist, but felt his vituperation was going a bit too far! But ,like everyone else, looked out the window,at the ceiling,or the floor; anywhere but meet his gaze!
Realised that his bile was because he had that very morning been released from her majesty's pleasure which he clearly felt had been undeserved!
But all was well until the "Hey, Beardie " and he made a bee-line for me!
Plonked down opposite me and "Hey ,pal, whaur yous goin tae?"
With the flawed logic that panic brings about, I blurted in my rusty schoolboy french " Pardon m'sieur ;je ne comprend pas! Vous parles francais?"
With "Oh f--k, a f-----g frog; for f---ks sake!" he lurched off in search of easier prey! And I breathed a sigh of relief!!
Until,that is, I glanced down at the table in front of me and realised that my very ENGLISH Telegraph crossword book lay open at the half completed page that I had been at not minutes before!
Had our friend been a little more observant, perhaps the outcome may have been, "Oh, aye, smart bastard!!"; followed by a Glasgow Kiss or two!!
Resolved there and then to travel only at peak times when theres standing room only!!