Cottage of darkness

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?
—Mary Oliver.

I met today with Mark Fischer’s wife and two adult children to plan his memorial for mid-March.  It was the first time his children had seen the apartment since their mom had the hospital bed taken away. I am stunned, asking myself, is he really gone, not coming back? How long does it take to know that? His son has inherited his father’s sense of humor and made us laugh by insisting the central image at the memorial should be a picture of Mark wearing an enormous fish-head as a hat.

In Arizona, Juan is holding on. He might make it. We don't know. Bella spent the evening with me last night, dancing furiously to shake off her anxiety (main blip). They flew down to Arizona today, dog in a kennel, unsure how long they’ll be gone.