Carmen

Eighteen years ago a small, wriggling, slightly yellow and already inquisitive little bundle of love was thrust into my arms forever changing my life and world view.

Starting as she meant to go on, she did it the hard way, but gave gainful employment to some of the NHS’s finest who helped her mother evict her from her rental accommodation of the past nine months.

It had been a hard labour (but I got through it ;-)) and so later on, as I exited the room to collect some things from the car, I turned to take another protective look before leaving my wife and newborn child alone, and was struck by the scene of what looked like some b-movie horror. Blood seemed to be everywhere, spattering the medical devices, trolleys and equipment which were scattered around, abandoned as if in the final seconds before an apocalyptic event. There in the middle of this maelstrom was The Eldest’s mother, exhausted from her efforts and lying prone on the bed with her arm outstretched, fingers gently touching the plastic crib where her brand spanking new daughter lay gently murmuring.

My daughter has been through a lot over the course of her first 18 years on the planet, I can’t imagine how it must have felt when she saw her father voluntarily leave the family home and there’s some other stuff too, which I won’t go into here, but suffice it to say: I let her down. Fortunately, she has a mother who has been an absolute rock when it comes to defending and supporting her (even extending that same support to me in recent years) and I am so proud of the strong, independent woman she is becoming. I am also beyond grateful that she has patiently stuck with me as I have belatedly tried to evolve into the father I always wanted to be to her and the wee ones. 

She is in such a good place, mentally right now and I think is finally starting to see that this world; cruel and dark as it can be sometimes, is a mirror of us and the more positivity and light we can find to send out into it, the more will be reflected back. 

Happy Birthday, my darling! I am so very proud to be your father. 

x



P.S. Thank you all for your lovely comments yesterday!