The Surfer's Butthole

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

Today, Manda was in Paraparaumu for "not us" reasons. She had to take a first-aid course for the Cordon Bluh on account of chefs CANNOT BE TRUSTED not to injure themselves. 

Seriously. She told us of one chef who had managed to STAB HIMSELF in the stomach by walking into a blade on his work surface. 

"He must have HELD IT DOWN and WALKED INTO IT," said Manda in disbelief. "We wonder if he's self-harming to avoid classes."

Hence the need for a first-aider. She had spent Thursday attempting to give CPR to a roomful of baby dolls. She sent us a very disturbing picture. "So many dead babies man," she told us.  

And today Manda sent us this selfie of herself lying on the floor "with a head wound". As indicated by the red scarf. 

Afterward she popped around and told us that:

- If you cut yourself you do NOT elevate it! That is a common mistake! Raising your cut makes your bp go up and you squirt everywhere so you should just apply pressure. 

- CPR is really hard on the wrists.

- For burns you should put them under cold running water and attempt to cut away any clothing but do NOT lift it as skin could come with it too!

- If you get boiling water in your gumboot you should CUT OFF the gumboot but LEAVE THE SOCK ON for aforementioned reasons. Do NOT be tempted to just put cold water in the gumboot because the scalded foot will HEAT THE WATER UP.

This prompted some discussion. Along the lines of "Who the eff gets boiling water in their gumboot?"

Anyway. Because Manda was in Paraparaumu she had made a reservation at "The Surfer's Mistress" for the four of us (Jefe was on his way after work). 

Although she had difficulty with the restaurant name. She kept referring to it as "The Surfer's Butthole" because of The Butthole Surfers. This wasn't Manda making a joke. She couldn't not say it. I blame the drugs. The 2000's were very kind to Manda.

So the four of us had a lovely evening at The Surfer's Butthole. It was nominally my birthday dinner and Jefe and Manda were just lovely and bought me a new knife for my kitchen. "Your knives are all BLUNT man," said Manda. 

Now I'm afraid to go near it for fear I'll slice something off. I'll just be sure to apply pressure and not elevate. 

S.