Calling in the experts

Mrs Ottawacker and I are incapable of cutting our cats claws. Every couple of months or so, we bundle them into a crate and take them to the vet, who does the dirty for a fee that is so astronomical that I wonder if something else is being done at the same time. 

Then, quite by chance, our neighbour said she was going to do her cat's claws and that it is dead easy. So we dropped about 3,000 hints until she said the magic words: "would you like me to come over and do your cats too?" Pausing only to grab her by the neck, we captured the cats and within two minutes, they were purring gently on the table, claws trimmed, and having their bellies rubbed.

Having had to corral and hold them, I almost reached for a whisky.