"Doctor, doctor, gimme the news.... "

Today I am unwell. I'm suffering from a chronic condition known here in Scotland as "pure dyin' man, so ah um".
It's a fairly common ailment, contracted in my case through an infection of the Tastyus Ciderus bug that I must have caught at Rob's party last night.
Luckily the treatment is straightforward. I've been prescribed a roll on bacon and black pudding with loads of brown sauce which should hopefully have me on the mend.