Another first

I thought I’d done all the firsts, and was determined not to dwell on the date being the anniversary of the funeral. That notion was quashed as I got a ‘thinking of you today’ message on my way to work. As I arrived the day went downhill rapidly as I scraped my car along the side of a parked LC van whilst parking. Mine has a lot of scratches and lost paint, the van, not a mark! I sent an email as soon as I had the PC on and one colleague came to check I was ok. Nice of him as no one else had asked, and I confessed I was both livid with myself and low due to a significant date! Much later after lunch I got back to the office to find the cake and note on my desk, accompanied by an email with just ‘enjoy’. I was very touched, because he and I don’t always see eye to eye. 

I never ‘picked up’ all day and left early, leaving the PC on so I could log on from home if anything came in. 

Once home I think I lost the plot. I mirrored my phone to the tv and watched the funeral. Weird? Morbid? Strange? All three I guess. But I can’t be the only one or they wouldn’t send you the download! I marvelled at the people I had forgotten attended, mainly because they’re the ones I’ve not heard from since, but I realised I’m not bitter, they were there for B, and it’s lovely to know how loved he was. But, to the people who read my blips, who were there last year and ‘here for me’ this last year, supporting, empathising, caring, I thank you and want you to know I couldn’t have done it without you. I hope you’ll all still be patient and caring, because I know I have not done with this grieving yet. A message this evening said ‘I hope you are seeing some chink of sunshine peeping through the clouds from time to time’. What a lovely way of putting it! Im Not quite there yet, but hoping to soon.