Unbalanced

Desmond* :  Blanche darling, I’m perpetually in a state of wild outrageous ecstasy.  This honeymoon is never ending.
 
Blanche:  No wonder my angel, you’ve been up there for some time.  Be careful when dismounting that you don’t get one of your nosebleeds.
 
Desmond:  Look into my eyes baby. I have something to share with you.  Blanche, just as at the start of our honeymoon I still have a long felt want.
 
Blanche:  Well Dessie dear, it’s good to share.  Whilst we are confiding, there’s something I have wanted to ask you for months.
 
Desmond: Pray, do ask.
 
Blanche:  Why is it that every night you persist on coming to bed with your bicycle repair kit? 
 
Desmond:  You mean you’ve wiped from your memory the night my inner tube was all crinkled, in the Falkirk Holiday Inn ?  The night porter still speaks about it.
 
Blanche:  When you’re up there Dessie, do you ever get stiff?
 
Desmond:  No, other than that extra starch you put in my pouch.  I’m going to treat myself to some light dusting later; I may even try on those pair of mules that Alf suggested.
 
Blanche:  Do you think I should change the locks?
 
Desmond:  Why not?
 
Blanche:  Which ones?
 
Desmond:  By the way, last week I tried getting in touch with old Uncle Angus, via Mrs Carrundra and her crystal ball.
 
Blanche:  Was there any message?
 
Desmond:  The voice channelled by Mrs Carrundra said ‘The person you are calling knows you are waiting’.
 
Blanche:  Yes, that’ll be right.
 
Desmond:  At last I’ve started to let go of my old flames and I’ve started by burning all of the letters I received from Beryl Bainbridge.
 
Blanche:  Dessie, do you remember my lurid green kimono ?
 
Desmond:  Not tonight Blanche, I’ve got a haddock.
 
Desmond is currently on his promotional tour of Clackmannanshire

*A range of Desmond merchandise is now available:

·         Key ring / jigsaw – 10 pieces (without the puzzle)
·         Coffee Mug
·         Tea shirt
·         Inflatable Desi
·         Bath time Desi salts
·         Boat tags (for you bath)
·         Tote bags
·         Remaindered copies of Desi’s book; ‘Taking Blip Seriously’.

·         Desmond is also available to open your gala or ensure a money grabbing supermarket can be closed.

Blanche merch is temporarily suspended  whilst she writes her memoirs.  She’s currently working on Chapter 54 in which she happens to meet Sir Gerald Nabarro and Isabelle Huppert on the 7th tee at Carnoustie.