We Join Erland and Thorfinn

Erland: ...and when he slid in, studs showing,  he was halfway up Bobby's shin.

Thorfin:  l ken, he was blaming the conditions.  It's the first time it's been recorded in a crib game.

Erland:  To make matters worse l was sitting there wi' a pair of Queens.

Thorfin: l thought they were across in Thurso for the weekend?

Erland: A'body did but they missed the boat.  When they eventually managed across they both had a rough passage.

Thorfinn:  Spikkan of roughage

Erland: Who do you think you're talking to?

Thorfinn:  But surely surly Shirley has pinched your catch phrase and your b hind.  You should  sue for loss of unintelectual property rights

Erland: Did you see Strictly?

Thorfinn:  Erland, do you no ken me biggest thrill in life?  I wait until the second it starts and l press the off button.

Erland: l can go one better.  When Bake Off comes on l press me eff off button.

Thorfinn: l see the reading of Davie Gillespie's will last week was sponsored by Rentokil.

Erland: Whit?

Thorfinn:  Thanks for asking.  All his relatives came oot o' the woodwork.

Erland:  Weeel as Grandad Rendall used to say 'You know it's been an unusual day when you see a nude man in a lift'.

Thorfinn:  Did you notice Mrs Rorie's pet hen won the top rosette again in the talking hen category.  She's fluent in Portuguese.

Erland: The hen or Mrs Rorie?

Thorfinn:  Baith.

Erland:  I have to go now to shave me pike.

Thorfinn:  What a coincidence, this is the night Edna allows me to be squalid.



The Extra is for the Swedish cognoscenti - a rare shot of Jessie in a huff.