ChatGPT's Creative Writing Coach

Orla tried out the new GPT specifically trained for being a creative writing coach. Orla had recently submitted a 100 word piece to the Wolsey Hall creative writing completion and got some very interesting feedback. Here's the dialogue:

Orla: Can you give me feedback on this 100 word story?:


CWC: Of course! Please go ahead and share your 100-word story, and I'll provide feedback on it.

Orla: I make a point about not killing spiders. They terrify me, but I know it’s not their fault. If I can be kind to something that disgusts me then I can be kind to anything.

I throw the magazine down. Splat. That being said, the spiders weren’t the ones squirming into my skin while I slept. The spindly spiders aren’t bloated with greed the colour of flesh.

My bed is stained with ooze and crimson. There’s something potently sickening about killing something that bleeds your own blood.


CWC: The story you've crafted is intriguing and chilling, with a strong voice and vivid imagery. You've done well to evoke a visceral reaction, which is essential in horror and darker fiction.

What's good about it: - The opening line sets the tone immediately, establishing both the narrator's personal ethos and the thematic undercurrent of the piece. - The contrast between the narrator's principle and their actions is a compelling hook that raises questions about their reliability and true nature. - The description of the spiders as "not... bloated with greed the colour of flesh" is a striking metaphor that suggests a deeper narrative about human behavior and morality. - The final line is powerful and thought-provoking, leaving the reader with a lingering sense of discomfort and curiosity about the events that led to this moment.

Suggestions for improvement: - Consider the pacing and flow of the sentences. The transition from the narrator's reflection on kindness to the act of killing a spider might be more impactful with a smoother lead-in. - Clarify the cause-and-effect relationship for the reader. The jump from not killing spiders to describing the act of killing something that bleeds can be a bit abrupt, and more context could be beneficial. - Look for opportunities to show rather than tell. While the descriptions are strong, allowing the reader to infer the horror rather than describing it as "sickening" could enhance the impact. Overall, you've managed to pack a significant emotional punch into a very short narrative, which is no small feat. Keep refining and expanding upon these ideas, and this could develop into an even more powerful piece of writing.

Orla: How could I create a smoother lead-in? I'm not entirely sure what you mean

CWC: A smoother lead-in involves creating a more natural transition from one thought or action to another, guiding the reader through the narrative without abrupt shifts in tone or topic. In your story, the shift from the narrator's reflection on kindness to the act of killing a spider feels sudden. To create a smoother lead-in, you might want to build a bridge between the narrator's philosophy and their contradictory actions, providing a bit more context or internal dialogue.

Here’s an example of how you might revise the transition:

"I make a point about not killing spiders. They terrify me, but I know it’s not their fault. I believe in kindness, even to creatures that disgust me — this I hold as a testament to my own humanity.

But there, amidst the shadows of sleep, a visceral instinct overpowers principle. I throw the magazine down. Splat. After all, these spiders weren’t the ones tunneling under my skin, leaving trails of unease that linger far beyond the waking hours.

The spindly spiders aren’t bloated with the color of flesh and greed. My bed, a canvas of ooze and crimson, tells a story of a different kind of invasion, one that leaves a sickening resonance. Killing something that shares your blood taints you with an unsettling kinship."

In this revision, I've introduced the act of killing the spider with a moment of reflection that acknowledges the narrator's internal conflict. This helps the reader understand that the narrator's action is a departure from their stated beliefs, making the transition to the act itself — the killing of the spider — less abrupt. The revision seeks to maintain the poetic quality of your original text while enhancing coherence and flow.

Orla: I think I like mine better. Please write that again, but keep it less than 100 words, and copy my style of writing


CWC: Certainly! Here’s a condensed version, maintaining your style: 

"I never kill spiders—respect for the fear they spawn. Yet in the dark, my philosophies warp. The magazine in my hand feels heavy, justified. 

Splat. 

These spiders aren't the architects of my nightmares, not the ones burrowing into my flesh. Their legs don’t weave greed in shades of my skin. 

I stare at the bed, a mosaic of ooze and crimson. There's an irony in killing something that bleeds like you, a disturbing echo in the silence of its aftermath." 

This version aims to keep the essence of your style, characterized by its stark and direct narrative, while ensuring a more natural lead-in to the climactic action.