Perspective

Thank you so very much for the beautiful words and the support yesterday. Blip is a wonderful community, full of empathy, understanding and wisdom.

I began to realise last night that I have been steadily grieving Bill for years: ever since the dementia started to take hold and he gradually disappeared into its depths. Consequently my sense of loss is not new, and nor is it overwhelming.

And I am surprised that my sorrow while he was ill and dying was actually much more acute than my sorrow about his actual death. He’s not in that nether-world any more. He is beyond the confusion, the anxiety and the physical ailments he suffered.

It turns out that #2 brother feels the same. We had a good chat this morning.

I have also been reflecting that it was a very first world death. I don’t mean to demean Bill’s passing, but he had the luxury of being in a caring care home. He died peacefully, quietly, gently. He wasn’t shot or blown up. He wasn’t faced with famine, rampant disease or chemical poisoning. He had a good death: one for which I am grateful.

And so as I have gardened and played with my dog today my soul has been eased as all these thoughts - and more - have pottered about in my head. It has been invaluable to give myself time and space…

…and Bean helps with her constant presence and her always being in the present. 

And you have all helped with your understanding and your precious words.