Fog and Lights

Zakes Bantwini - Dubai

Sometimes when you least expect it, you step into a world of fantasy. It’s like I’m in Bladerunner sometimes and I love it. I get to escape for a few brief moments before plunging back into reality. At least I have the duration of this song to close my eyes and dream.

I’ve been re-reading Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz again after about 8 years. It’s a really good book that got me partial to the self-help genre. For the past few years my mind has been off centre and I’ve found it difficult to get back on track to a simple mindset that appeared so effortlessly 10 years ago. Despite having greatly reducing my alcohol intake and increasing my exercise I don’t seem to have the intelligence to do seemingly rudimentary things. My mental self image is waning incrementally and seemingly on a slow downward slide. Sweeping everything away and starting over again feels like the best thing to do but the growth from this struggle is too rewarding to give up. I’ve made it this far, I’m surprised looking back to where I am now.

I speak about fantasy and self image because it is a good map to aim towards. It sets in motion all the necessary checkpoints to work for. The brain is an incredible tool that processes millions of functions and automated calculations. Letting go of trying to control the minutiae to let it do its work releases the pressure valve. It’s time to feel and gather enough necessary data to grow.

Like I was 10 years ago, I knew I had to grow, so I bought a new DJ controller to increase my practice window at home instead of relying just on song and mental preparation for gigs. Having done that made me a much better dj and the results spoke for themselves.

I am at that checkpoint again, not in my DJing, but in the current juncture of my life. The advice and guidance I receive or see from friends, family or peers are only buffers for the steps I need to take. The power it takes to make the first move, as simple as it might seem is weighed heavily by your own emotion.

You have an ideal image, the help refines it, I now have to work for it. Actions speak louder than words.