Change and new growth

A couple of months ago these two willow trees were pollarded and lost all of their foliage. They are now growing back and starting to look more like willows again. It seemed a cruel change at the time, stripping them bare of the branches they'd grown and become used to, but given a bit of time to get used to it they are thriving.

I guess it kind of felt like a metaphor for the changes I'm soon to make in my own life. On Monday I will be handing in my notice from my current job. It's been a difficult week and I've felt poorly supported. There is no sign of things changing. Sometimes I get stressed when I'm under loads of pressure and from time to time it does cause me to cry. My line manager suggested that I might struggle with the new job because they "won't be so accommodating when you're having a bad day and feeling stressed". It is this job though where people drop me in it so often and leave me to deal with things they should have dealt with that tends to cause those levels of stress.

I'm still getting counselling which is helping me to see that often the problem isn't me, it's other people's unreasonable behaviour or expectations of me that cause me to feel overwhelmed. My experiences growing up of caring for my disabled mother have shaped my reactions to stressful situations. When I can see that someone is stressed and not coping, I fear them breaking down or having an outburst and I want to make them feel better so I offer to help with things and take jobs off their hands. I've been doing that this week in a big way. Also people see me as somebody who will get the job done for them so I end up burdened with other people's work too.

I am completely exhausted and the plan for tomorrow is to rest and prepare for Glastonbury. If I can, I'll go and look for some ducks too.