Email from Caro: Florida 2

The theme of Miami is "Excess".  Newspaper Ads have titles like: 
 
Very Easy 10 Hour Diet...Police Impounds Listing...Breast Implants $2950...Divorces from $95...Erase your criminal record...Penis enlargement...Actors and Actresses wanted...Jock Itch Volunteers wanted... 
 
And then there's the plastic surgery options, which crack me up! Not only do surgeons offer the usual humdrum liposuction, facelifts, nosejobs and botox injections, but also buttock implants, permanent make-up and vaginal rejuvenation. Far out, brussel sprout! 
 
Drag Queens are the entertainment of choice, with "Adora" being the most famous drag queen in Miami. Women wear $600 suede bikinis.  With stilettos.  And go shopping.  Local bands have names like The Avenging Lawnmowers of Justice and Plastico Domingo, playing at events in clubs called "Die In Your Vomit II".  And those who are tired of Ibiza, Agia Napa and other clubbing places, are now heading to South Beach, Baby.  Littered amongst the Cuban and American accents, the occassional gormless bloody English accent can be heard, cutting the air like fingernails down a blackboard. Usually these accents are attached to tiny sequinned mini skirts, orange tans and vacant eyes batting fake eyelashes.  Belly chains are worn to the beach. Fake breats are everywhere.  Designer clothes are everywhere and guys drive convertible Mercedes or sportscars. There is a massive homeless population, who sleep either on the beach or in doorways of hotels.  We have a few who live behind us and are quite funny, one of the guys has a 
"ghettoblaster" permanently playing Gloria Estefan's Greatest Hits.  Many believe that the day Versace was murdered, was the day fashion died in Miami.  I would have to agree.  Alongside the perfectly groomed designer-clad "beautiful" people wandering about, there are also those who have that whole "tacky-how-the-hell-do-you-wear-that-Vegas" style.  Betsey Johnson (the designer) has a store here, and in her own words: "Nobody can be badly dressed" and favourite colour to use is neon pink because "people don't see colours anymore, unless they're neon".  I fear for the future of fashion. 
 
One afternoon, when we first arrived in South Beach, I was gathering tourist information, so I could make battle plans, and I accidentally picked up a Naturist Newspaper and have learnt that: 
 
1. Fort Lauderdale prohibits alcohol from being sold where there is full nudity. 
 
2. Swinger culture is not part of the nudist culture and not tolerated by nudists.  The behaviour of “norms” are in most cases, what you would expect at a Holiday Inn.  (Who knew?) 
 
For those who wanna know, there are a huge amount of clubs and cafes around South Beach, including "Pearl", where the lighting is orange so everyone looks tanned and bottles of Cristal champagne sell for $750.  Massimo is the dorrman of "Level" and if he doesn't think you look cool enough, you don't get in. "BED" has no chairs or tables, just lots of beds, and muslin and attendants wearing white pyjamas. "Clubspace" starts at 6.30am and runs everyday with space for 3000 people, it usually has a queue. 
 
Life is cruising along nicely, and we'll be staying here until 25th October and then we return to Edinburgh. And reality.  And the cold. 
 
Later 
 
Cazza