Toronto

But I was talking about Toronto.  

I find it an extremely pleasant city, it doesn't have a lot of personality, but the streets are clean, the people are friendly, polite and helpful, and it's very easy to get around.  It has a very easy to follow underground system featuring a stop called "Spadina" which I could never pass through without thinking it sounded like some sort of medical instrument.

DOCTOR:   Please put your feet in the stirrups while I insert the spadina.

While in Toronto, Caro called home and I got to talk to Janette - who you may recall as The Rudest Woman on the Planet.  She told me that she'd just come back from a meeting of her Toastmaster's Society, which she'd chaired while dressed as a clown.  

It's a measure of how well I've come to know Janette that this didn't surprise me at all.  She also told me that she'd got back into her normal clothes before Ronnie had returned home from the office, but that due to the clown makeup, her lips were incredibly red and it looked like she had been "pashing for hours" but Ronnie hadn't noticed.  Shame on you, Ronnie!

I told her that we had sent her a very special picture of myself and Caro from Vegas (it was of me as Elvis and Caro as a showgirl).  She wasn’t as happy about this as I expected.  She explained she was disappointed because when I had used the phrase "special picture" she had jumped to the conclusion that it was a picture of a man's willy.  "I used to have a card with a picture of a man with a huge willy on it," she added helpfully.  

"I used to keep it in my bag.  I had it for years."

I mentioned this to Caroline who added that she had found this exact picture in the cupboard when we were there last Christmas.  "It looked very well-thumbed," Caro went on.  

That was it for Toronto, except for the Incident in the Lift when Caro was hit on by a sleazy French couple called Louie and Lucy who fancied a bit of a threesome.  The little devil!!  Apparently, they asked her if she would like to join them in the pool... later... if you catch my drift.  

How disgusting.  Why do these things only happen when I'm not there?

We left Toronto and took Via Rail Canada up to Ottawa.  It took about six hours but oh my goodness, it was MILES better than Amtrak in that these trains actually MOVE.