Toronto

One thing that differentiates Americans and Canadians is the accent.  Americans contend that their neighbours talk funny (which they do) which is a bit bloody rich coming from the nation that gave us "Waaaaaaasup!!!".  The Americans would have you believe that Canadians say, "aboot" instead of "about".  This is true, although I noticed that the Torontonians say it more like "aboat".  Either way, it's the obvious tell-tale sign you are talking to a Canadian and not an American.  Well that, and the "I am NOT f*cking American Goddamit!" t-shirt.

I read an article in a Canadian newspaper which said that this was due to the Scottish background of the country.  Apparently the Scots colonists wanted to distance themselves from the (English) Americans and emphasised that particular vowel sound.  So now you know.  The other thing Canadians do is say, "Eh!" a lot.  Now I know we do that too - by which I mean the English, the Scots and the Kiwis.  But according to the same newspaper article, we use it in a different way.  Aha!  You see, we use it as a question, as in "That's a huge penis you have there Symon eh?" 

But this language expert explained that the Canadians use, "eh" as a narrative exclamation, kind of like a full stop.  As in, "I was driving down the street the other day eh."

This may seem weird, but all different cultures have their own narrative exclamations.  It's like, "y'know" or something.  Even different regions of the UK have them.  I shall illustrate through the use of the following table:

REGION          PHRASE                                        NARRATIVE EXCLAMATION
Scotland           I'm just going to the shops                  By the way
Wales                We're out of milk                                Isn't it?
Yorkshire          Mother!  The whippet's in the bath!    'Appen
Manchester      I'm just stepping out for a minute          Yer FOOK-in' BAS-t'ud
Canada              I am bloody well NOT American        Eh

So that's how the Canadians talk.  

I notice an extremely common American narrative exclamation nowadays is, "D'you know what I'm saying?"  I made this observation after exhaustive research watching "The Jerry Springer Show."  The thing about this narrative exclamation is that it's SO long and cumbersome.  It makes, "eh" seem a pretty economical and sensible option.  In fact, I note that, "D'you know what I'm saying?" is frequently shortened to, "Jah Gnome Sane?" which sounds like the name of well-balanced rasta elf.  

A digression:  NO ONE UNDERSTANDS US.  This is extremely irritating.  Ever since we hit North America, people seem to have extreme trouble understanding myself OR Caroline.  This is partly due to our accents and partly due to the fact that an inordinate number of people for whom English is NOT their first language seem to be employed in jobs which feature, as a LARGE PART of their job, understanding English.

I'm not being mean here.  I mean, after all, pidgen English is better than F*ck All French, which I personally am fluent in.  

But I question the wisdom of hiring an Indian to man the phones at a Pizza Hut that I called in Toronto.  I mean, if you don't understand the word "pizza" in English and you work at a Pizza FUCKING Hut, you'd think it was a bit of a handicap.  My conversation with the chap went like this:

ME:    I'd like to order a supreme pizza please.
MAN:  What, meester?
ME:      (Louder)  I would like a supreme pizza.
MAN: What, meester?
ME:      (Shouting) I - WOULD - LIKE - A - SUPREME - PIZZA.
MAN:  Meester, I am having trouble listening to you.  You are speaking too slowly.
ME:    (Confused).  I WOULD LIKE A PIZZA.
MAN:  Oh yes.
ME:    (Encouraged).  Yes!  A pizza!  A supreme???!!
MAN:  Silence.
ME:      ARE YOU THERE?
MAN:  What topping do you want?
ME:      (By now shrieking) A SUPREME PIZZA!!  I WANT A SUPREME PIZZA!!
MAN: Okay.  Deep pan or thin crust?
ME:      Deep pan.
MAN: What, meester?
ME:    DEEP PAN.
MAN: I cannot listen to you.  
ME:      D-E-E-P P-A-A-A-A-N.
MAN: Okay.  So two deep pan supreme pizza.
ME:    What???!!  NO!!  ONE DEEP PAN SUPREME PIZZA!!  ONE!!!
MAN: What, meester?
ME:    Oh never mind.

So we got two pizzas.  This sort of thing happened to me all across the USA too.  I was booked into a hotel in San Francisco under the name "Fyson" ("Symon - it starts with an 'S'."  "An 'F'?"  "No, an 'S' like in 'Sugar'?"  (Pause)  "An 'F'??"  "Yes, yes, an 'F'...)  Then there was the flight were I was booked under the name "Semen Parsons" (yes, very bloody funny I don't think).  And the fact that they had our country of origin as being "The Ukraine".  Maybe there are a lot of Semens in the Ukraine, I don't know.