ON MY OWN...

...or was I…but definitely not lonely!  

Mr. HCB had gone out walking with his friend before I got up at 8.30, so I have had a very leisurely morning doing household jobs and just enjoying being on my own.  It’s lovely to be retired and do just what you want when you want, but when you are both retired, sometimes, just sometimes, it is good to have time on your own.

I then had a shower, put on my pink robe and went into my Quiet Room where I had a great time reading my Bible and the notes I have and just generally enjoying the peace and quiet so that I could listen to what God was saying to me today.

After about 20 minutes l picked up an old journal, dating back to 2010 and started reading what I had written back then when attending a Conference.  Malcolm Duncan, a Minister in Northern Ireland, who seeks to connect faith to life in every sphere, was speaking - there were some powerful words and poems written by him and it was good to relive that experience through the writing in my journal.

Then I found several blank pages in my journal, following which I had done a lot of writing back in 2012, whilst reading this book entitled “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge.  Not a book you can read at one sitting, but rather one that helps you to tease out what is happening in your life and to speak to God about it.  You know I am a Christian, so I make no apology for that - so please don’t judge me - but sometimes we need to look at our lives - what we have done, what we hope to accomplish and whether we have moved on - and it was interesting to read my thoughts back in 2012 about my relationships with my mother and family and also with Mr. HCB.  

So - have I moved on?  I think I have.  I made peace with my Mother before she died in 2019 and have forgiven those who wronged me long before - but have I changed because of that?  Again, I think I have, but perhaps those close to me now should be answering that question.  I know that I have more of my life behind me than in front - so I don’t want to leave this life without knowing that I have changed and in a good way.

To quote some lines from a poem by Malcolm Duncan:

“We don't need bigger buildings
     We need bigger hearts.
We don't need to increase our capacity for seats,
     We need to increase our capacity to love.
We don't need more blessing
     We need to be blessing more.
We don't need more grace,
     We need to be more gracious.
We don't need more of God,
     God needs more of us.
There isn't an answer around the corner
     We are the answers hiding in a corner.
God doesn't need to fit into our plans
     We need to fit into God’s...
And His plan is change from the inside out.”