Ellieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

I am sure you have missed Ellie. I know I have. 

We TRY to get together. We've had a few actual dates in our calendars but someone* often ends up cancelling due to work or children.

I caught up with her at El Jefe's 50th a couple of months ago, and I realised how much I missed her, but that was it. 

But TODAY she called me! GENIUS. Why have we not thought of this before?!?? We decided that we needed to make the Ellie-call a regular thing. Maybe even once a month? Almost like she lives in Edinburgh or something?

Today's call was entirely impromptu. She has just got a new job and is delighted about it. It is back working with her old manager at Kainga Ora (he has also moved on to a new company) and she gets to do what she is best at. 

Most of all, she gets to get away from her current team of managers. Who she does not care for. 

"THEY ARE D*CKS, SYMON! BIG, HAIRY, SMELLY, FLLLLLACCID D*CKS!!"

She told me the only problem with her new job is that she has to hold in the GLEE in meetings with the flaccid managers. I told her she should just sit in Teams meetings with her finger up (see picture).

"Maybe I'll make it my PROFILE picture!" she exclaimed with indecent relish. 

She then went on to tell me that she is also currently in a fight with the manufacturers of her washing machine who are charging her extra for a part they don't make any more. 

"And how is this a ME problem???" she emailed them. 

I told her that the most powerful word in consumer relations was "woeful" and that she should use it.

"OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT!" she said. 

She told me she would also use it for her local supermarket. She tries to order delivery sausages from them but they are always out of stock. 

"But when I got TO the store, there they are!" she exclaimed.

I recommended she go TO the store. Stand in front of the sausages and then attempt to buy them online for delivery ON HER PHONE IN FRONT OF THE SAID OUT OF STOCK SAUSAGES. 

"I am turning into SUCH a Karen," she told me. "I'm going to get the Karen haircut and everything. I AM RECLAIMING THE KAREN."

All this excitement was too much for us. We could have kept talking for hours but she had to eat a salad and go to another flaccid willy meeting.

But I asked her to send me this picture so she could say "hi" to you all. And so here she is.

S.

* Ellie.