Forward and back

Bella has begun to have some interest in looking back. The energy of her life till now has been forward, forward, forward. If I asked, “Do you remember…” she would say no before I finished the sentence. She wasn’t interested in looking back. But now, at thirteen, she has a little curiosity about her past, a memory or two. As we stroll through my neighborhood, she remembers these flowers, this statue, that staircase as places she has visited before in springtime, places she has seen in photos of herself. Today she remembered a photo of herself as a toddler riding a stone lion, a photo of herself among dogwood flowers. “Let’s do that one again,” she suggested.

And so we did.

I have been making photographs, blipping her all along. I see the ways she has changed. The ways she has not changed so much. I wonder what she will remember, what she will carry forward, what will give her strength in the hard years to come. I think of Matisse's wisdom, when he created the chapel at Vence.  That figure of the Madonna holding the Child in her lap, the Child's arms outstretched in the shape of a crucifix. Matisse knew that all children have massive difficulties--and possibilities--ahead of them. We give them all we have to offer and hope for the best.