Who're you calling a balloon?

It's what Matthew's calling me, apparently. This disturbingly-accurate portrait was placed on my bedside table this morning when I woke up - thanks for that, son.

Picked Andy up from yet another pirate party down in Cockburnspath - which, I have it on good authority, is pronounced Copath.  Given that it's quite near Oldhamstocks (pronounced old ham stocks) you could be forgiven for thinking that the locals were trying to mess with your head.