Lost or found?

I go on these walks every day. Up until a year ago I spoke to my mum every day. After that, I spoke to my best friend. Lately, the walks have been strange experiences. I never know whether I am searching for something or trying to lose something. They just don’t feel the same. I feel bereft.

I left work early to attend a school meeting; last weekend a child took his own life. Noo was one of his friends. He was 11 or 12. Very sobering these things. At that age, most children cannot comprehend the finality of death. But death is final. And grief is life changing. And we as a family have had to deal with a great deal of grief. And grief isn’t just about someone dying.

I found the whole thing very upsetting but affirming. Listen, validate, absorb, keep things running to schedule. That’s the best we can do. As my GP pointed out - we will never be the same again. And even that is upsetting.