Big Balls

"Andy's not fit enough to play today.
Can you step in?" they said.

"Well, I used to play. A long time ago.
I could give it a go," I said.

"Good man, " they said.
"I'm sure the make-up girls
will be able to take years off you.
Can you manage a Scottish accent?"

"Och aye the noo. How's that?"

"Splendid, old chap. Just the ticket.
Now, would you like a few strawberries
before kick-off?"

"Och aye the noo."