Poppycock....

Right. I've had enough. One more load of bollocks word about national service/vat/taxes/bringing back hanging etc, and I shall be forced to throw my tv into the canal. Or better still, my local MP into the canal. (As my mother used to remark, there's an easy way to tell if politicians are lying - it's when their lips are moving. )

So bearing that in mind, I've decided to stand for parliament myself, on a 'stop talking shite' ticket.

As sole member of the newly formed Drookit Party, I will not be as underhand and devious as your average politician. I shall be completely transparent in my policies, and therefore freely admit that whatever I do and say will be entirely for my own benefit. I'll be claiming as many expenses/tax breaks as possible during my campaign and if anyone wants to bribe me with money/holidays in the south of France/jewellery etc, that's just dandy!

Mr Broon of Bathgate has been bullied into persuaded to be my campaign manager and will be accepting cheques, euros and crypto currency from tonight.

Tomorrow, I shall be publishing my manifesto, so get your credit cards out and start investing in my our future now!