Naledi Pandor

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

Fazzy invited me to her house for dinner tonight! It was her way of spoiling me for my Yesterday Birthday. 

Also she told me that Hani had been counting the days to my birthday for a couple of WEEKS. 

It's hard not to feel extra-special when a little girl counts the days to your birthday. 

Shahier made an amazing dinner as always and me and Fazzy made fun of each other. We had been listening to the radio in her car and we heard about a new service that can take the voice of the recently departed and program an algorithm behind it so that you can still "talk" to a partner or friend after they have died. 

"I could do that with you if you get made redundant!" I exclaimed. "I could call it FazBot."

Fazzy said she is quite happy to record some insults for me to listen to anytime.

"Maybe I should call it Sasslyn," I grumbled.

Of course, Fazzy is at risk of being made redundant due to government cuts. We were both complaining about our new PM Chris Luxon; he is a gammony, bald man with a very oval head. 

I told Fazzy how Caro had got an email saying she was eligible for a tax cut after the recent budget. 

"Yay Chris!" I had told her. "I take it all back. Chris Luxon looks WAY more like a thumb than a penis."*

Fazzy laughed until she cried. She told me that, back in the day, the ultimate insult in South Africa was to say, "You look like Naledi Pandor", a female South African politician.

"It was the nuclear option," Fazzy told me. "If me sister REALLY p*ssed me off I'd Naledi Pandor her."

She showed me a photo. I tutted.

"I've seen far worse," I replied. "Have you heard of Ann Widdecombe?"

"Maybe if you get all Sasslyn at me, I'll call you er... errrr... errrr Nandi Palador...." I said. 

"For GOODNESS SAKE, Symon!" Fazzy exploded. "You can't even get THAT right!"

Maybe I'll just Ann Widdecombe the cheeky bugger instead.

S.

* It turns out the email was a scam. He's back to being a penis.