He's Here!

A little baby boy :-) 

I can't lie, I'm hugely disappointed that he isn't the girl I so very much wanted. I think I knew all along, but the finality of it hit quite hard, and when my sister told me "you have a son" I remember saying "but I wanted a girl". I do love him already, and I mostly can't believe that I made him or that he fit inside my belly! But it's a bit like grief, in that it comes in waves, and that this wasn't quite what I planned for myself. 

It's been an emotional week, put it that way. His stork mark on the back of his head made me think he was kissed by my Gramps from heaven before he sent him to me, and although I may not see it now, I'm sure there is a reason he's here, there are no mistakes.

Anyways, there have been lots of weepy moments unsurprisingly, the house looks like it's been decimated (we're staying with mum and dad, and my sister has stayed too), the washing machine is constantly on, and everyone is sleep-deprived, but my tiny boy is loved beyond measure and seems to be enjoying the comings and goings of a busy household. He sleeps through hoovering, the dryer, the endless girlie chat that dominates and he seems to be quite happy, which is what I wanted. 

As for me, despite feeling so ill for so long, I feel sad I'm not pregnant any more, and in awe of what I once feared my body couldn't do, and feel an overwhelming desire and need to do it once more... watch this space ;-) 

For now, my tiny boy needs a name, and it's proving a bit tricky. I'm leaning towards Gabriel, a name I'd always liked, and because he's my angel, and a gift from God :-) 


That and he has yet to be registered for anything and at the moment he is just Baby!