Hovering, surveying and wondering.
Work - a real struggle.
C handed in his retirement notice this week as long predicted. Then A handed in her notice - not related but she has struggled on for a long time now and keeps getting poorly … the body keeps the score.
That’s the end of all the gang now.
There’s one who remains who I just don’t connect with.
The others, all new-ish, and so the old order shifts in that quietly tectonic way that is world changing at unseen levels that makes the ground feel unsafe even when it might look fine on the surface.   (‘tis but a scratch …’)

The consultation process has been tedious. I lost my cool just once when the union rep talked about the money and clearly had absolutely no concept of the principle and paradigm inequalities that have beset all of this and been endured for so many years and, ironically, created a culture of the familiar abused child elements of low self worth that it is essentially established to treat.

I limped through to the end of the week and held it together until I walked out of the building into the dark mizzle to start crying. Another ‘wafer thin mint’ of a day. I looked at jobs but am cautious of jumping out of frying pans and have no idea of what to, and with no buffer, no one to come home to, to consider the options, or to provide that sense of secure, safe, ground to retreat to.