I was relieved to get home.
Struggled through yesterday and struggled even more today.
We had the consultation meeting first thing. We at last have achieved parity but it is coming at a cost and has become enmeshed in C’s retirement and, effectively, the loss of that role.
In some ways it makes no odds as there isn’t anyone, currently, that I’d have any faith in whatsoever and certainly no one who would engender any sense of safety.
Alongside that I don’t seem to be able to get through any of the days without crying now. L has been off for long spells but was back and had picked work up but is now off again so I have picked up four extra, or is it five, but a significant percentage increase in such a short time. I limped through the day with complex stuff feeling out of my depth. I couldn’t wait for it to end so that I could cry. I packed up and left and needed some food so roamed the supermarket aisles not being able to decide what to get, stared at tins of cat food for an unnaturally long time, I haven’t got a cat, contemplated dumping my basket and walking out, wondered how to get out without looking a complete tearful tit and then made do with what I’d got and made a hasty exit hoping the self service checkout would release me without any hassle.
I got home and was mightily relieved to shut the door on the world and retreat for the weekend. Not quite sure what to do about it other than keep going.
I wish P was here.