Acceptance

Oh my goodness, this is such a supportive community. Thank you each and every one of you for the loving comments yesterday. I cannot begin to explain how each one wrapped me in a little comfort. And all those little comforts added up to a huge soft blanket of kindness and care.

You will understand my relative absence from your journals at the moment. 

After one of the worst nights I've had in several years I thought I'd be a zombie today, but a few things have happened to keep me upright.

First of all, the sun came out mid-morning and worked its magic on my spirits. Summer reappeared with perfect timing.

Then a loved one stepped up with no bidding and has offered to pay for all Bean's vet bills. I am almost speechless with gratitude. And humbled by the words which were used in their offer.

And finally - most importantly - the meds seem to have started to work. Beanbag has been much more relaxed as the day has progressed. I assume her abdomen is less active than it has been since Friday or Saturday. She has slept deeply and calmly for most of the day. I have fed her slightly larger amounts of  chicken and rice which makes both of us feel better.

I have given myself lots of headspace to think about the possible roads ahead for Bean. Yesterday's shock has subsided and today I have begun to accept the new situation. It is what it is, and it will be what it will be. I will do everything I can to be the best human when I make decisions for this beautiful dog.

The outpouring of love has not been confined to Blip and to my loved ones. A neighbour got wind of what was going on last night and turned up with a tin of homemade biscuits for me, because she knew I needed comfort food. She was right.

Other friends have heard the news through other grapevines: one popped in quickly; one invited me up to her place for a coffee; others have phoned and emailed.

It is extraordinary how word spreads in this community. And how loved my dog is - and maybe me too. 

So the rollercoaster has moved on from the bottom of the ride. Long may that continue, but I am ready for bumps and a twist or two...

This afternoon I flopped onto the bed in the guest cabin, looking out across my favourite view, and fell asleep for over an hour. When I woke up Bean had appeared on her bed on the deck. I smiled all the way from the outside in.