TRUMP

Surprise . . . you thought Donald J Trump was in Washington for some small ceremony today . . . as the event is taking place indoors . . . and by secret TV link . . . I can now . . . exclusively . . . reveal that DJT will not be there.
He is currently residing in Bridlington . . . far away from any assassination attempts . . . but close to the exit if needs be. no need to thank me . . . just a pleasure to share with Blippers.
DJP 2004 . . . I do not wear a rug . . .  my hair is 100% mine . . . no animals have been harmed in the creation of my hairstyle . . .